Solace in Solitude.

There is a particular kind of quiet that comes when you finally have the house to yourself.

No one asking where something is. No emails demanding an immediate answer. No diary to coordinate, dinner to think about, lift to organise, problem to solve or person who needs something from you.

Just quiet.

And increasingly, I’ve realised how much I value it.

Life can be wonderfully full. Work, children, family, friendships, relationships, commitments, deadlines and the endless mental checklist that seems to accompany being an adult. We spend so much of our lives showing up for other people that sometimes the greatest luxury is simply having nowhere to be and nobody requiring anything from us.

There was probably a time when I would have felt I needed to fill that space. Make plans. Phone someone. Go somewhere.

Now? Give me a quiet house, a good book, a walk, some music, a bath, a cup of tea or even just an hour where absolutely nothing is expected of me.

And apparently, that can be very good for us.

Being alone isn't the same as being lonely - this distinction matters.

Loneliness is about feeling disconnected. Solitude is about being alone and when that solitude is chosen, research suggests it can have genuine benefits for our wellbeing.

A 2023 study published in Scientific Reports followed 178 adults over 21 days and found that on days when people spent more time alone, they reported lower levels of stress and a greater sense of autonomy, essentially, feeling freer to be themselves and do what they wanted. Importantly, the potential negative effects of being alone were reduced when that solitude was something people had chosen.

That word, chosen, feels important. There is a world of difference between isolation you don't want and closing the door after a frantic week and thinking, I am very happy here.

Further research published in the British Journal of Social Psychology in 2024 found that positive experiences of solitude can contribute to daily wellbeing. Feeling autonomous while alone was associated with more peaceful emotions, while feeling capable and comfortable in solitude was associated with lower loneliness.

Perhaps being comfortable in our own company is a skill we don't talk about enough.

When did being alone become something to fix? We live in a world that celebrates busy.

Our calendars are full. Our phones ensure we're permanently contactable. Social media gives us a window into everybody else's dinners, holidays, nights out and supposedly fabulous lives.

So sitting alone on a Saturday night can somehow feel as though we're doing life incorrectly.

But what if we reframed it?

Psychologists who study solitude increasingly distinguish positive solitude from social isolation. Researchers have linked healthy, temporary periods of solitude with opportunities for reflection, emotional regulation and creativity. The American Psychological Association has also highlighted research suggesting that time alone can give us valuable opportunities for rest and reflection.

That doesn't mean we should retreat from the world. We need people. Friendship, family, laughter, conversation, intimacy and community are enormously important.

But maybe wellbeing isn't about choosing between connection and solitude. Maybe we need both. Learning to enjoy the quiet. I think there is something incredibly grounding about knowing you can enjoy your own company.

You stop needing every silence filled. You notice what you're actually thinking. You discover what you want to do when nobody else gets a vote.

And when life is particularly busy, when work is hectic, the children need you, your phone won't stop and you're carrying twenty different things around in your head, those small pockets of solitude can feel restorative rather than lonely.|

Sometimes self-care isn't another appointment in the diary. Sometimes it's cancelling the appointment. It's putting the phone down. Going for a walk alone. Sitting with a coffee. Reading ten pages of a book. Driving without making a call. Having an evening where nobody needs anything from you.

And perhaps one of the quietest signs of becoming comfortable with yourself is reaching the point where being alone doesn't feel like something is missing. It feels like you've finally found your sanctuary. Don't be afraid of finding solace in solitude!