Recognising the signs, understanding the forms and finding support.

Domestic violence isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always leave bruises, and it doesn’t always happen behind closed doors. It can look like control disguised as love, criticism passed off as “just a joke,” or financial restrictions hidden under the excuse of “responsibility.”

At The She Said Club, we believe that talking openly about domestic abuse is one of the most powerful ways to break its silence and that every woman deserves safety, respect, and support.

Across both the UK and Ireland, domestic violence remains a widespread and growing concern affecting millions of women every year. In the UK, the latest figures from the Office for National Statistics show that around 1.6 million women experienced domestic abuse in the year ending March 2024, roughly 7 in 100 women. Overall, 1 in 4 women in England and Wales have experienced domestic abuse at some point in their lives. Police recorded more than 850,000 domestic abuse-related crimes in the same year.

In Ireland, the situation is just as alarming. One in three women have experienced psychological, physical, or sexual abuse by a partner, according to Women’s Aid Ireland. Gardaí (Irish police) recorded over 65,000 domestic violence incidents in 2024, marking a rise of more than 20 % in two years. In 2023 alone, Women’s Aid Ireland received over 40,000 disclosures of abuse, the highest number in its history, with sharp increases in physical and economic violence.

While some of this rise may reflect greater awareness and more women seeking help, experts warn that many cases still go unreported. Behind each statistic is a woman and often children living with fear, isolation, and trauma. These figures are a stark reminder that domestic violence is not rare or confined to certain backgrounds. It’s a national crisis, one that requires ongoing awareness, accessible support, and collective action to ensure every woman can live free from abuse.

Heres the thing when we talk about domestic violence, we often imagine physical harm, pushing, hitting, choking, or threats of violence. While physical abuse is one form, it’s just one part of a much wider pattern of behaviour designed to control and dominate another person.

• Emotional abuse might include constant criticism, humiliation, or gaslighting, making someone question their own memory or sanity. It’s often subtle and leaves deep psychological scars.

• Financial abuse happens when a partner controls your money, prevents you from working, or withholds access to essentials like food, transport, or healthcare. It’s a way of trapping someone so they feel unable to leave.

• Sexual abuse includes being pressured, coerced, or forced into sexual activity without full, free, and informed consent - even within a relationship or marriage.

• Coercive control, now recognised as a criminal offence in both the UK and Ireland, is the ongoing pattern of intimidation, isolation, and control that strips away a person’s independence. It’s about power, dictating what you wear, who you see, what you say, or how you spend your time.

No form of abuse is ever justified. You do not have to experience physical violence for your situation to be serious or valid.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, there is help available, day or night.

In the UK:

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge): 0808 2000 247 – Free, 24-hour, and confidential.

• Women’s Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk – Offers live chat, local refuge information, and safety advice.

• The Survivors’ Trust: Support for survivors of sexual violence across the UK.

In Ireland:

• Women’s Aid Ireland: 1800 341 900 – 24-hour confidential support for women affected by domestic violence.

• Safe Ireland: www.safeireland.ie – Connects women to local refuge and support services.

• Men’s Aid Ireland: 01 554 3811 – For men experiencing domestic abuse.

If you are in immediate danger, call 999 (UK) or 112 (Ireland). If you can’t speak safely, use the “Silent Solution” system dial 999, listen, then press 55 when prompted.

Many local councils, charities, and women’s centres also offer practical help from emergency accommodation to legal advice and counselling.

If you suspect a friend or loved one is being abused, approach them gently. Avoid confrontation or judgment. Say something like, “I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately. Is everything okay at home?” Let them talk at their own pace. Don’t pressure them to leave, that decision can be incredibly complex and dangerous if done suddenly. Instead, focus on listening, believing them, and helping them find professional support. Offer to help with practical things, like researching helplines or planning a safe place to stay. Never try to intervene directly with the abuser; it can put both of you at risk.

You are not alone. Abuse thrives on isolation, shame, and fear but there is a community ready to stand with you. If you’re afraid to call a helpline, start small: reach out to a trusted friend, a GP, or a local women’s centre. You can also chat online with Women’s Aid or Safe Ireland if speaking feels too difficult.

Make a safety plan: keep a packed bag hidden with essentials (documents, keys, medication, some cash), memorise key numbers, and plan where you could go in an emergency.

Remember: leaving an abusive relationship doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you’ve survived.

At The She Said Club, we stand for women’s voices, safety, and freedom. Whether you’re reaching out for the first time or helping a friend do the same, know this you deserve to be safe, to be believed, and to be free.