The Art of Resilience

Updated: Jul 17, 2020

"An ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change"

I put a note out last week asking what kind of topics you would like covered for the Autumn series of podcasts. Various notes and ideas came back; careers, imposter syndrome, work life balance, top tips for self-care, how to deal with trolling online, managing teenagers, co-parenting, sexism, racism and the list continues. Basically the bottom line is "how to cope at life."

The reality is none of us know what's round the corner, especially the Covid-Brexit corner we now face. Over the last few months we have adapted more colourfully than a Super Chameleon. Many hurdles, challenges and fears unknown to us have been presented. Home-schooling, furlough, mortgage payments, relationships, lack of relationships, family bubbles, loneliness and isolation, weight gain, social media addiction have all lead in some shape or form to an unnecessary anxiety and a never before identified vulnerability.

In a positive light there are many good things to take from lockdown. Back to the basics of humanity. Caring for each other, supporting your local community. Having time just to be. To appreciate the simple pleasures in life like a long walk on a sunny evening.

Unfortunately it's not all unicorns and rainbows. So how in a hectic era how do we stay strong, true to ourselves and build resilience?

Many of you reading this will know my back story, I liquidated a business, divorced and was made bankrupt all at the same time, my trilogy. That was back in 2014. 6 years have passed and believe me I still have to deal with nonsense, only now I let it float over my head.


During my "trilogy" experience I have two distinct stand out conversations from that time, with two different solicitors (how ironic that I have since fallen in love with an amazing solicitor, apologies I digress).

The first conversation took place whilst sitting in my insolvency solicitors office going through the paperwork and learning of the ordeal that lay ahead for the next few months, as you can imagine I was feeling rather sorry for myself, everything that I had worked for, the blood, sweat and tears was been taking from me. I started to cry. Hot bubbly tears that stung your cheeks. My solicitor, a very dapper, well versed man found himself in an uncomfortable situation (a woman crying is never a good look and I can confirm I am not a pretty crier!) He jumped up and ran behind his desk, whilst trying to console me and to get a tissue, he produced what can only be described as an industrial roll of blue paper that you would use in a canteen. It was like blowing my nose into sand paper. Then the reassurance hit me when he uttered the words "believe me, this will hurt but only for a little while, in a year from now this will be the best thing you ever did". He was right.

The second stand out comment came at a time when I was in a quandary as to whether or not I should give my marriage another go. Emotional manipulation was at an all-time high, should I stay for the kids, catholic guilt? The reality is it just wasn't good enough for me, I was not happy. Life is for living not existing. In midst panic attack with a solicitor who was advising on my divorce and selling the house he simply stated "you must have courage in your convictions". He too was right. I realised that I was only doing things to accommodate other people. To keep them happy, I was miserable.

So, where do you go from here?

I will tell you exactly what happened I cried, drank wine and felt very, very sorry for myself. You see the problem with having a tiny ickle profile in the business community, for being recognised for doing something different, being entrepreneurial and wanting to live life to the max and see the world is that you are penalised in a colloquial setting. The "too big for her boots", the "who does she think she is" mentality kicks in, it's only now looking back and having gone through tough times that you can see how unfulfilled your haters lives are! Jealousy no matter in what shape is a desperate affliction. At the end of my ordeal I was living in a small but heart-warmingly beautiful rented townhouse with my two girls. I sold anything of value, promising myself that when I made it I would buy new ones. I sold my car and drove a twelve year old golf, I lectured in a local college and flew back and forth to the middle east delivering training. Sounds glamorous, it was long haul flights, fourteen hour days and precious time away from my girls. It is called survival. Mummy guilt at an all-time high. Looking back it was also a great escape. I have no regrets. I was putting cornflakes on my table.

When the world falls in around you, you have choices. Let it win or stand up and deal with it.

No matter what always address the issue you have to deal with. Acknowledge your situation and always be honest with yourself.

We all feel under pressure in work from time to time. If it gets too much get another job. If you put yourself on social media and trolls abuse you, remember they are only jealous and wishing they had what you have.

If you mess up, admit it. Take and accept responsibility. Never throw someone else under the bus.

Don't engage with haters, remember like woodlice, they are insignificant and only under your feet momentarily.

You are allowed to wallow but only for a short time. Shake it off. Always remember how precious you are and don't forget to smile - it is infectious.

I will leave you with this verse sent from a gorgeous individual:

Life is so short.

We spend so much time sweating the small stuff.

Worrying, complaining, gossiping, comparing, wishing, wanting and waiting for something bigger and better instead of focusing on all the simple blessings that surround us every day.

Life is so fragile and all it takes is a simple moment to change everything you take for granted. Focus on what’s important and be grateful.

You are blessed. Believe it.

Live your life and leave no regrets.

Remember live and let live and ALWAYS be kind.


Naomh xx

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